I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
