quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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