Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
