Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
