I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
