Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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