I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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