If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Randomize
