I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
