Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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