In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
ttyl tear gas
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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