Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
