sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
