I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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