I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize