when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
