so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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