His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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