the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
