You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
