Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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