so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
