If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
