getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
