Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
