I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
