Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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