happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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