i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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