He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
