can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
