is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize