I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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