Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
