How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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