Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
