mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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