True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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