I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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