I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
