so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
