Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
