I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
