I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
