I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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