I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize