May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
