I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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