i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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