Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
