yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
