I'm going to jail i love you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
