I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize