You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
