How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
