we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Every concussion has its silver lining
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Randomize
