i permit you to call me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this will be a night to untag.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
