Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize