either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
