you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
