Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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