She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
