I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
