You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize