No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
