Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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