I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
