I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
