My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
