I got chris browned last night
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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