I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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