the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
