3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
