Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
