I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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