The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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