You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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