do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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