I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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