Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
