You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
