Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
