I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
