john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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